How about now?
by Shinara66
Summary: In response to the 'Elevator scene retake' prompt over on the Callie Arizona community site , this is my take on what happened at the end of episode 7x12.


**Title**: What about now?  
**Author**: Shinara66  
**Pairing**: Callie/Arizona  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Summary**: In response to the 'Elevator scene retake' prompt (over on the Callie_Arizona community site), this is my take on what happened at the end of episode 7x12.  
**Disclaimer**: All television shows, books, movies, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work and the characters, events, and settings thereof are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.  
**A/N**: So, we all know I'm a sucker for longer stories, but seeing as how this was meant to be a one-shot kind of thing, I tried to convey as much emotion as I could while, also, clearing the air and paving a possible path for our girls to take. All mistakes are mine. Hope everyone enjoys!

"What about now?"

Callie's question was nothing more than a dull sound in Arizona's ears. She could feel her confidence from earlier fading away like the smile on her face. The words she'd just heard had stoked within her a raging inferno of conflicting emotions. If it was possible to feel nothing from feeling too much at once, Arizona was currently in that state of perturbation.

Callie was watching her, her own eyes full of fear and heartache. When the small blonde headed woman had entered the elevator, she had not expected to hear what she'd just heard.

Her girlfriend had slept with Mark Sloan? Mentally, she slapped herself. Callie wasn't her girlfriend. Despite her wishing things were different between them, that fact still remained too true to contemplate. Of course the other woman had slept with Mark. Why had she believed that that scenario wasn't a possibility?

Arizona felt anger well up inside her and become the dominant emotion for her attention. She had spoken to Mark like a friend today! She had asked for his advice, sought his counsel. The entire time, he'd held back the knowledge that he had been sleeping with her...her...whatever Callie was to her.

As quickly as the anger had flared inside her body, it died down to a simmering ember. He had not been required to tell her anything. She and Callie had been broken up when the two of them had slept together. She was still entitled to her feelings, but she knew Mark didn't owe her any explanations. Had he have possessed vindictive feelings towards her, he never would have attempted to help her in the first place.

The elevator doors opened and both she and Callie remained rooted to their respective spots. Arizona couldn't seem to come up with anything appropriate to say. Everything in her wanted to lash out at Callie. She wanted to accuse her of making her own bed. She wanted to demand to know how long it had taken her to fall into Mark's arms. Had she wanted that all along? Had Arizona not been enough for her?

Callie released an unsteady breath and turned away from her, her eyes focusing on the doors of the elevator.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." the Latina said harshly.

The blonde shook her head and cleared her throat. Tears stung at her eyes and burned with the intensity of her emotions. She could feel her stomach forming knots around her insides. She needed a moment to think and process everything she'd just found out. Acting quickly, she stepped around Callie and pushed the emergency stop button. The elevator grinded to a halt and silence engulfed it's occupants.

"What the hell are you doing?" Callie barked.

"I need to think!" Arizona answered back, her own voice harsh in its deliverance.

Callie scoffed and adjusted her purse on her shoulder. She couldn't seem to explain to herself just why exactly she'd decided to tell Arizona about her pregnancy. She knew that, by doing so, she was giving the other woman the potential to hurt her again. All she'd been able to think when the blonde had been been, yet again, pouring her heart out was that she had always helped her through her hard times. Callie had always felt secure and safe when Arizona was with her.

She'd needed to feel that security again. She was terrified by her own news. A baby was supposed to be a happy, joyous occasion. It was supposed to be welcome and anticipated. It's conception was supposed to have taken place during an act of love. Though she did love Mark, she wasn't in love with him. She never had been. She and Mark had slept together out of grief and loneliness. Nothing more.

It struck her as ironic that she and her man-whore best friend, both of whom desired children of their own, would find themselves facing the possibility of a child together. This child, her child, carried with it the weight of four separate people's happiness.

Yes, she was terrified. Scared. Grief-stricken. Alone.

"Have you told Mark?"

Arizona's voice caught her by surprise. She'd been so lost in her own thoughts, she'd forgotten her ex was even still present.

"No."

The blonde sighed and ran her hands through her hair before she started pacing in the small space provided.

"Are you going to keep it?"

Callie turned to watch the other woman. Arizona's face was wet from the few tears she'd allowed to escape and her hands were in a state of constant motion. She refused to meet Callie's eyes.

"I don't know. I haven't really allowed myself a moment to think about things." she answered.

"Okay." the smaller woman said simply.

Callie released another breath and felt her heart pound inside her chest. She didn't know what to say or even what she wanted to say. Everything had become so convoluted she couldn't remember which way was up. The one person who she'd always relied on to have all the answers was also the one person she'd thought would never walk away.

There were no certainties anymore.

"Do you love him?"

The question struck her like a blow across the face.

"What?"

Arizona stopped her pacing and met Callie's dark eyes. There were things she needed to know. Answers she needed to have. If she was going to even make an attempt at being supportive, she needed for Callie and herself to put their cards on the table.

"Look, I haven't been the most stand up person the last few months, okay? I've been selfish and harsh and cold. I honored my duty to serve those in need over my duty to remain here with you. I chose surgery over love. I never expected to fall so hard for you. I thought I was doing the right thing by going to Africa. But, I was wrong. I made a mistake. When I got over there, I realized how much a part of me you'd become, Calliope. "

Arizona's tears sprang to life in her eyes without her consent. Her bottom lip trembled and, despite her best efforts, her voice started to shake and become hoarse.

"I failed you and I'm sorry for that. I'm not perfect, but I came back. For _you_! You, Calliope. I've been back and I've done everything I can think of to just get you to see me. It took Mark to point out to me all the things I've allowed myself to overlook. Mark! A-And I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know where we went wrong. All I do know is how I feel about you. That feeling brought me back here. That feeling has compelled me to continue to try even though you've given me nothing in return. That feeling, Callie, is the only thing I have left here. I just need to know if I should let go of it or not. Do you feel anything for me anymore?"

Callie's face crumbled at the words. She could feel the walls she'd built to protect herself starting to crack. Should she risk herself and her heart that much more and tell Arizona everything? Or, should she cut her loses and turn away? The blonde was right about one thing. She had come back. Despite the fact that she'd had to come back because she'd left in the first place, the fact remained that she had chosen Callie over Africa. Even if it had been a little too late in the coming.

Looking at Arizona, now, Callie was shocked at the open and vulnerable face before her. They were no longer floating in their pretty pink bubble.

The tall Latina squared her shoulders and turned, once again, to face the blonde fully. Before she could open her mouth to speak, Arizona continued her speech.

"I'm willing to stand by your side, okay? I'm willing to try! I'm willing to change if you are. We need to talk. We stopped doing that. I just...am I wasting my time? Can Mark give you everything that I couldn't? Have I made a fool of myself all this time?"

Arizona's questions became harder to understand as her emotions, finally, overtook her. She backed away from Callie and, as her back made contact with the wall of the elevator, slid down it's length. Drawing her legs up against her, she covered her face with her hands and let her breakdown continue.

Part of her hated that she was allowing Callie to see this side of her. She despised herself for showing her weakness. The other part of her was too drained to care. What did it matter anymore? Her life had become a joke. Her desire to avoid issues in her life that she found distasteful had landed her in this damn predicament. Maybe her best option was just to return to Africa and start over where no one really knew her or the disaster her life had become.

The woman she loved, the woman she'd become addicted to, had slept with the one person she'd always felt was between the two of them. The woman she loved had been cold and distant and hurtful towards her and her attempts at reconciliation. The woman she loved was pregnant. Pregnant with a child that would, by all means, put Mark Sloan between them permanently.

What was she fighting for anyhow? Did she really want to get back with Callie if it meant she'd have to become more of a third wheel in their relationship? At what point was she supposed to admit to a lost cause? If she left now, would Callie see her act as another moment where she bailed?

Tender, tentative fingers on her hands caught her attention. She raised her head and her eyes met Callie's. The other woman's face was sad, but it no longer seemed to carry with it, the anger that had she'd become accustomed to.

"Things don't always work out the way we want them to." Callie said. Her voice was low and heavy with her own emotions.

Arizona sniffed to clear her breathing but remained silent.

"This is really fucked up. When I told you I wanted a baby, this isn't the way I imagined going about things. When I was upset in a bathroom, I didn't imagine that a beautiful woman would follow me and kiss me. When my father cut me off, when I lost my job, when I was scared to speak at Derek's stupid presentation, I never imagined that you, the very woman who had kissed me, would have been there supporting me. When I asked you to move in with me, I never imagined that we'd end up arguing over the color of the walls. When you won that grant..." her voice cracked and she struggled to finish her sentence, "when you won the grant, I never imagined that you would have made a life-altering decision without me. I never would have imagined that I wouldn't even end up being a factor in what you chose to do."

Arizona opened her mouth to speak but Callie's words cut her off.

"When we were at the airport, I never, ever in my life, would have imagined that you would have turned away from me. That you, my Arizona, would have spoken to me about ruining Africa for you. You were ruining us. You were ruining me! I never would have imagined that. But, I learned today that things don't always go the way you want them to."

Callie used her thumb to wipe at a lone tear falling down Arizona's cheek. The contact was simple, but it caused the blonde to shudder slightly.

"Before you left, I never would have imagined sleeping with Mark. Those days were over for me because I had you. But, you did leave, Arizona. You left and you didn't look back. I won't apologize for sleeping with him. He was there for me when I was feeling unwanted and abandoned. I won't apologize for the pregnancy. It's not what I planned and I don't know what I'm going to do, but I won't apologize for how I chose to fix me."

The smaller woman tightened her throat and pursed her lips. She was unsure of where Callie was going with everything.

"I will tell you that you're right."

Arizona looked up and her gaze locked with her ex's.

"I do still love you. I wish I didn't. I wish I could hate you. But, I can't. I just don't know if loving you means anything anymore. I don't know if we can ever get back what we lost. This is our reality now, Arizona. This is your chance. Take it or leave it. "

Callie backed away from the blonde and settled herself along the wall next to her. She knew she was taking a chance by admitting to Arizona that she did still love her. She was opening up because, well, she wasn't really sure. Maybe old habits really did die hard. If Arizona took her chance, then Callie knew that they both had a long ways to go on their road to recovery. If she didn't? Well, she was already used to heartache from the other woman. Besides, she'd proven to herself that she could make it without her. It was hard and painful and ugly, but she could make it.

To herself, she prayed that she wouldn't have to brave her storm alone.

Arizona was quiet for some time. Neither woman made a move to restart the elevator.

"Okay."

Callie looked to her left, her eyebrow raised in question.

"Okay?" she asked.

The blonde nodded her head. Sniffing back her tears, again, and attempting to wipe away at the wetness they'd left behind on her face, she met Callie's eyes and took a deep breath.

"I don't know where we go from here, Calliope. I love you. You love me. That has to mean something, right? I don't know if we can become us again, but if you're willing, then I'll help you through this. Whatever you decide to do, I'll be here as your friend. We'll just see how things go, okay?"

Callie opened her mouth, but her sudden sob swallowed any words she may have been wanting to say. Maybe it was her hormones. Maybe it was her emotions finally crushing the wall she'd built around herself. Or, maybe, it was the unsure, yet hopeful smile currently directed her way.

Whatever the reason, Callie knew she didn't feel so alone. She no longer felt completely overwhelmed. For the first time since Arizona had left, Callie truly felt a tiny amount of happiness. That happiness was a beacon that she clung to like a raft in a sea of torment. Deciding to take another chance, she leaned forward and allowed herself to fall into Arizona's embrace.

The other woman hesitated, briefly, before laying gentle hands on her back and moving them in a soothing pattern.

"It's okay, baby. I'm here and I've got you. Everything will be okay."

Arizona was unsure of whether or not she believed the words. She was completely certain that she had little to no idea of exactly what she was getting herself into. What she did know was that holding Calliope was the most alive she'd felt since coming back to the States.

And that? That had to count for something. Right?


End file.
